I’ve Been Masking All My Life—Now What?
Everyone is laughing at a joke you didn’t find funny. You laugh along anyway because it feels like the socially ‘correct’ thing to do. Later, you feel drained and wonder why socialising is so exhausting. Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. In the autistic community, this is called masking.

If you’ve recently discovered your neurodivergence, you might feel stuck as you realise how much of your life has been spent hiding your natural preferences, behaviours, and responses to fit social expectations. Masking can lead to losing your sense of self, draining your emotional and physical energy, and feeling disconnected or close to burnout.

If you’re reading this, you might already recognise that masking isn’t the solution. But how do you unmask? While masking takes many forms, the good news is that with patience and curiosity, unmasking is possible—and it doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

How to Start Unmasking as an Autistic Woman

• Journaling. Keep a daily journal to track your energy levels, emotions, and how different events affect you. Don’t overlook the small moments—tiny details often reveal patterns over time. This practice can help you identify what feels authentic and what feels draining.
• Explore Your Senses. Pay attention to how your senses respond to the world around you. Explore your sense of touch and response to physical contact. How different lights affects your level of energy and how smells and taste impact your comfort zone. Understanding your sensory preferences can give you valuable insight into what you need to feel comfortable and energized.
• Reflect on Your Past. Think back to childhood. Are there things you gave up or started doing to fit in? Sometimes we attribute changes to “growing up,” but they could also be linked to masking. Reflecting on these shifts can help you identify parts of yourself you might want to reclaim.
• Find Your Tribe. Notice which social situations and people make you feel recharged versus drained. How often do you feel free to say no? Who accepts you as you are, and who leaves you feeling you must perform? Surrounding yourself with supportive people can make a huge difference in the unmasking process.

Blending: A Healthier Alternative to Masking
We learn how to mask for fear of feeling rejected. However with the unmasking process, I’ve learned that authentically meeting my own needs and advocating for them doesn’t lead to rejection but greater acceptance. Through what I call blending, I can find ways to exist authentically and explain my needs in ways others can understand. Most people respond positively and even show extra care. Those who don’t? I’ve learned they aren’t my people and I no longer waste energy masking for them.

Are you going through the unmasking process? What masking behaviours have you identified, and how are you finding your true self? Share your experiences in the comments below. Your story might inspire another woman who’s just starting her own journey. 

Stronger together: link and share this article with a friend, they might need it or know someone who does.

About the author: Aurelie was late diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. After spending years learning about herself and neurodivergence, she now shares with others like her, a path towards healing and authentic living through therapeutic coaching.